Extreme Job? Embrace the Must Have Family
You had your babies with the best possible partner in the world, right? You two went into this believing that you would love each other, support each other and share parenting 50/50.
But what happens when your partner works an extreme job that demands impossible hours, mega travel, deployment or living in a different location? What happens when the job becomes a living, breathing, demanding member of the family?
Then most of the parenting strategies your friends and your sisters and your neighbors use will not work for you. This is not because your partner is a thoughtless jerk, but because of the all too real demands of an extreme job.
Once your recognize that fact, you take a deep breath and join Must Have Families all over the country. Like them, you can adopt our field-tested Must Have Parent concepts that will teach you and your Must Do Partner awesome communication, real life workarounds, and focused techniques that bring kids and parents closer than ever.
What Parent Type Are You?
All jobs are not created with equal hours and that can wreck havoc on family life. Answer the questions below to discover whether you are a Must Have Parent, a Must Do Parent, a Double Do Parent or a True CoParent and discover solutions just for you. Click here to have it graded for you.
1. Not all jobs are created with equal hours. Which of the following describes the work hours of you and your partner?
A. Only my partner works more than 50 hours per week.
B. Only my career requires that I work more than 50 hours per week.
C. Both my partner and I have jobs that require more than 50 hours of work per week.
D. Neither my partner nor I work more than 50 hours per week.
2. Families often find that travel can restrict the amount of time parents are at home. Which of the following applies to you?
A. Only my partner travels more than 4 days per month on average.
B. Only my career requires that I travel more than 4 days per month on average.
C. Both my partner and I have jobs that require more than 4 travel days per month on average.
D. Neither my partner nor I travel much for work.
3. Some factors that affect family life are less obvious than others. Which of these describes your commute?
A. Only my partner’s commute is more than 50 miles or one hour on average each way.
B. Only my career requires a commute of more than 50 miles or one hour on average each way.
C. Both my partner and I have jobs that require a commute of more than 50 miles or one hour on average each way.
D. Neither my partner nor I have a lengthy commute.
4. Some jobs require deploying or living apart from the family for lengthy periods of time as part of a military career, diplomacy, international assignments or remote construction. Which of the following describes your careers?
A. Only my partner’s work requires living apart from the family temporarily.
B. Only my career requires living apart from the family temporarily.
C. Both my partner and I have jobs that require living apart from the family temporarily.
D. Neither my partner nor I need to live apart from the family due to the nature of our work.
5. When family life gets stressful, something’s gotta give. Who is most likely to take off work to accommodate a sick child, a repairman or the needs of an extended family member?
B. My partner.
C. It is difficult for either of us to get away from work for family emergencies.
D. We take turns.
6. The division of housework and childcare is one of the most cited sources of arguments in families. Which of these best describes the division of labor at home for you and your partner?
A. I do 70% of the work or more and my partner does 30% or less.
B. My partner does70% of the work or more and I do 30% or less.
C. It feels like none of the work at home ever really gets done.
D. We aim for 50/50, but sometimes it is more like 60/40.
7. Extreme work demands sometimes shock friends and family. They tell the spouse of the extreme worker, “I could never do what you do!!” Who is more likely to hear that comment?
B. My partner.
C. We both hear it.
D. Neither. Our work hours are not extreme.
MOSTLY A's: MUST HAVE PARENT
If you answered all As, you are a classic Must Have Parent. Welcome to the crowd! You are a father or mother who takes a greater share of responsibility for the family because your partner works an extreme job that demands long hours, mega travel, a crazy commute, deployment and/or living apart temporarily. You may also become an MHP because you have a child with special needs who requires more in terms of childcare or ferrying around to therapy appointments.
This means you hold down the fort for your family. You are the one who knows when band camp starts. You keep track of the shot records. You know the current shoe size of everyone in the family. This may not always seem fair, especially when it comes to your own career.
No worries. Our Must Have Parent skills will teach you how to manage your kids in less time, warm up your relationship and bring your Must Do partner back in the fold. Our goal is to make your life awesome. So like us on Facebook or Twitter so that you can catch all our new tips, tricks and skills every week. And read our latest blog here to find amazing ways Must Have Parents like you are balancing extreme work and awesome family.
MOSTLY B's: MUST DO PARENT
If you answered mostly Bs, you are a Must Do Parent. You are like 75 million Americans who support their families in jobs that demand long hours, mega travel, killer commutes, deployment or living apart from the family temporarily. You end up spending less time with the family NOT because you are selfish or immature, but because of the uncompromising nature of the work that you do. Thanks for that. This country needs people like you.
So does your family. At Must Have Parent, we know that small habits you develop now will bring you closer to your family forever. Check here to see if your profession is listed. And drop us a quick email at firstname.lastname@example.org to tell us about things that drive you crazy about family life. We can help with that.
MOSTLY C's: DOUBLE DO PARENT
If you answered mostly C’s, you may be Double Do Parents—parents who both have Must Do jobs that require an extreme level of commitment. This is a tough one. This pattern of living requires master skills in negotiation, time management and parenting. You might even be considering a see-saw marriage in which one partner takes the lead in career one year while the other partner takes the lead the following year. Our Must Have Parenting skills can offer some skills you might adopt to make your own family run smoother and bring a little heat back into your relationship.
MOSTLY D's: COPARENT
If you answered mostly Ds, you are Coparents. You and your partner seem to be achieving the dream of truly co-parenting. Neither of you has the demands of an extreme job. That does not mean that sometimes you don’t feel like you end up carrying more of the burden of parenting—because you probably do. Parenting is rarely 50/50 in this country. So cut your frustration by stealing these tips from Must Have Parents on our #MHPSkills blogs on Twitter or on Facebook. And sign up for our exclusive email list for future live events and giveaways here.